How To Become A Vampire

So, do you really want to become a vampire? A real life one? Do you want to drink people’s blood? Bite them from their necks? What else? Howl at the full moon?

Hey, my dear reader, if you’re here, it could be from one of the following reasons:

You’re in desperate need for an original Halloween costume but you want to stay within the classics limits, so all you can think of are vampires, skeletons and creepy, rotten masks to scare the hell out of your neighbor’s kids

You’re a big fan of the New Moon movie and of Robert Pattinson

You’re a dreamer and you can’t tell dreams from reality anymore

Vampire stories seem to be fascinating people across different cultures. Each ethnic group has its local version of vampires. This could be an explanation for the success of movies and novels based on this archetype. For instance, Africa has Adze, which is a vampire spirit dwelling among the Ewe, takes a firefly shape and drinks blood but also coconut water and palm oil.

Arabia has Algul, a female vampire living in dead cemeteries. In Malaysia, vampires appear as cats, they threaten children and they are known as Bajang. When they take the shape of a woman, such vampires are known as Langsuir. Scottish people have the Baobhan-sith, the beautiful maiden dressed in green, that lures and kills her victims.

Filipinos believe that vampires were the ones who planted taro on their islands in the beginning of time. Their vampires are called Danag and they drink human blood. Even Aztecs had a witch-vampire, the Civatateo, who was supposed to be a woman who died in childbirth, and who killed babies ever since. Ancient Babylonia and Assyria had Ekimmu. The ways to become an Ekimmu were sudden death, improper burial or sometimes unfulfilled love.

Greek mythology knew Empusas, a vampire serving goddess Hecate. There’s even a vampire of unknown origins, the Incubus, who paid nightly visits to female victims, and who was believed to be able to get them pregnant.

If we were to count which country has the most vampires, I think India could easily win, with about ten species of vampires with different origins and habits.

Basic Steps in Becoming a Vampire

Study all types of vampires known and decide which one is closest to your preferences. I’m sure most of you know how human blood tastes, as sucking the wound from a paper cut is quite a common gesture. And we all handle lots of papers when we are young.

Find a contact lenses shop and see what models they have. Usually, it won’t take long until finding some really spooky ones, so your vampire eyes are relatively easy to obtain.

For decent vampire clothing, you’ll need a Halloween costumes shop, but that’s not a must. You can always shred some old pants and a long T shirt and stain them with some red dye.

Teeth are important, as they will be your main blood sucking tools. Vampire teeth kits are available for purchase in any party accessories shop, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

That’s basically the external transformation, which is easy and relatively cheap. However, if you’re serious in becoming a vampire, then you need to start behaving like one, you need to start thinking like one, you need to change your living habits so they match the vampire style. I’d suggest you try this for one month before buying all your vampire arsenal, then see if you’re still keen on doing it or you’d better ask a girl for a normal date, buy her flowers and take her to a movie. You know, being a vampire could affect your love life, as there aren’t too many girls dreaming to be drained out of blood by their lovers. You’ll probably need to use a vampire dating website and honestly, I don’t know if there are any. And even if they were, I very much doubt they’d be populated with too many female users. The average girl’s mind is at clothing, beautiful make up and boys and not at how to become a vampire.